The Eight of Pentacles

The number 8 has been significant in my artistic journey. It is the hourglass that captured me and lead me into oblivion. As the hourglass falls to its side, time becomes still and transforms into infinity. It was an 8th of November where I was reborn for the first time.

The eight of pentacles in tarot according to online sources "a card of apprenticeship and mastery". It is a card that illustrates the hard work and dedication it takes to master a skill or reach a goal. I've been reflecting upon how much time and effort I've dedicated into creating art and building a visual and poetic world in which I can explore and play. However, working on creating new items for each week's market have slowly lead me to feel like Sisyphus, the little beetle on my arm pushing its way, going against the passage of time. I'd like to say that within this monotony, there exists some sort of routine that allows me to be structured. The truth is my mind is somewhat scattered and dull while still being a perfectionist and expecting so much of myself. It's like there is a fog that took over my mind and disconnected me from my spirituality. The Knight of Pentacles in reverse.

I take a moment to realize I am in this fog and that my mind has burned out once again. That I have done way more than I ever could in the conditions in which I was in. I sit once again, silently celebrating the hard work that came into fruition. I also recognize and hold onto the roots of my creation. It is easy to be seduced and enticed by the beauty of the lotus and disregard its murky beginnings. I measure my worth and success by the ideas I've tied together, the people I've inspired and to what degree I am in peace with myself and my work. However, I need to remind myself that I am a person before I am an artist. No amount of exhibitions, shows or items sold will determine my true worth. The truth I seek is beyond what the eyes can see; you must play the fool to lighten your heart. As I engage in stillness, I am reminded of my mortality and how nothing will matter then. I am at peace again.

-Alejandra Martinez